International jokes…:-)

🙂 smile or laugh… it doesn’t cost anything and it’s good for our health! 🙂

  1. “Il y a 3 choses dans la vie que je ne supporte pas: le café brûlant, le champagne tiède et les femmes froides…”(Orson Welles) – il a tout-à-fait raison! 🙂
    * * *
    – quelle est la différence entre un homme et une tasse de café?…
    – aucune, les 2 (nous) tapent sur les nerfs… 🙂
    * * *
    “There are 3 things in life that I can’t stand: burning coffee, lukewarm champagne and cold women…”(Orson Welles) – he’s damn right! 🙂
    * * *
    – what’s the difference between a man and a cup of coffee?…
    – none, they both wire us up and make us edgy… 🙂

  2. Not long after creation, Adam came to God and said, “God, why did you make Eve so soft?”

    God said, “So you’d like her.”

    Adam went away. He came back later and said, “God, why did you make Eve so, so warm?”

    God said, “So you’d like her.”

    Adam went away once more. He came back later and said, “God, why did you make Eve so curvy?”

    God said, “SO YOU’D LIKE HER!”

    Adam went away again. Finally, he came back to God and said, “God, why did you make Eve so dumb?”

    God said, “So she’d like you.”

  3. – quelle est la différence entre un homme et une tasse de café?…
    – aucune, les 2 (nous) tapent sur les nerfs… 🙂
    * * *
    – what’s the difference between a man and a cup of coffee?…
    – none, they both wire us up and make us edgy… 🙂

  4. true! 🙂

  5. A computer programmer is sent by his wife to the market – she tells him “Get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs get a dozen”. He came home with 12 loaves of bread…

  6. once upon a time, men used to look for pretty and sexy gals on the beach, nowadays, they look for WiFi… 😀
    * * *
    a hubby comes back home and says to his wife: guess what, I’ve just purchased pills supposed to challenge and to improve my intelligence, but I haven’t managed to open the box yet! 😀
    * * *
    after a road accident, the policeman asks the driver:
    – what happened, Sir? how did you land into the ditch?…
    – well, Sir, I was under the influence of psychotropic people…
    – you mean psychotropic substances, I presume…
    – no, Sir, I was with my wife and her mother in the car… 😀

  7. For Husbands.

    To find out who loves you more try this simple test. Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for five minutes and see which one is happier to see you when when you open it.

    • merci, c’est excellent! here’s another one: 🙂

      2 retraités du 3e âge se connaissaient depuis longtemps. Un soir, lors d’une petite fête, ils étaient assis à une table face à face. Pendant le repas, il la regarde souvent et ose lui demander élégamment:
      – veux-tu être ma femme? – Sans même y réfléchir, elle lui répond:
      – oui, oui, je veux!

      Ils se quittent très enthousiastes, et ils rentrent chacun chez soi. Le matin, il se réveille “dérouté” et confus en se demandant:”a-t-elle dit oui ou non?” – Il ne s’en souvenait plus. Agité, il l’appelle pour lui dire quelle belle soirée ils avait passée ensemble, et lui redemande si elle lui avait répondu oui ou non. Avec une grande joie, elle lui répond:
      – ah, oui, de tout cœur! Et je suis très heureuse de t’entendre, parce que je ne savais plus qui m’avait demandé en mariage… 🙂
      * * *
      2 3rd-age retired people had known each other for a long time. One night at a party, they would sit at a table face to face. During the meal, he would often look at her and elegantly would dare ask:
      – Will you be my wife? – Without even thinking about it, she replied:
      – Yes, yes, I do want to be your wife!

      They were very excited, and they returned to their homes. In the morning, he wakes up “confused” and disoriented, wondering:”has she said yes or no?” – he simply didn’t recall anything. Restless, he calls her up to tell her what a beautiful evening they’d spent together, and asks her if she had answered yes or no. With great joy, she replies:
      – oh, yes, with all my heart! And I’m very happy to hear you, because I didn’t know any more who had asked me to marry… 🙂

    • I LOVE this! THANK you for leaving several “likes” on my blog today! — John R.

  8. AnElephantCant help thinking
    This is some crazy stuff you have created
    You may be slightly mad
    But please don’t be sad
    AnElephant thinks sanity is vastly overrated

  9. – quelle est la différence entre une femme et une erreur?…
    – après avoir trouvé l’erreur, les problèmes disparaissent, mais lorsqu’une femme commet une erreur, les problèmes réapparaissent…
    * * *
    – What’s the difference between a woman and a mistake?…
    – After you’ve found the error, problems disappear, but whenever a woman makes a mistake, problems reappear… 🙂
    = = =
    un couple regarde attentivement la fontaine des voeux… soudainement, la femme glisse et tombe dedans… le mari choqué recule et se dit:”c’est incroyable, ça a vraiment marché!” 🙂 à propos, si tous les hommes sont pareils, pk les femmes les choisissent?!… 😉
    * * *
    a couple stares carefully at a wish fountain… suddenly, the woman slips and falls into it… the shocked husband backs off and says:”It’s incredible, it has really worked!” 🙂 btw, if all men are alike, why do women choose them?! 😉

  10. Victor Hugo adorait les femmes au point d’être reconnu comme un coureur de jupons… il était déjà bien âgé, mais il continuait à draguer… une jolie et sexy jeune femme qui a été sa secrétaire pendant quelque temps, a coupé tout espoir à Victor de la mettre un jour dans son lit:
    – Monsieur, arrêtez de vous donner tant de mal, c’est vraiment inutile car mon cœur est déjà pris ailleurs…
    Victor se rendant compte de l’énorme différence d’âge lui répondit alors:
    – Mais ma chérie, vu mon âge, je ne vise pas si haut… 🙂
    * * *
    Victor Hugo loved women to the point of being recognized as a womanizer… he was quite old, but he would continue to flirt around… a pretty and sexy young woman who was his secretary for a while, cut off Victor’s eager hope to get her into his bed:
    – Sir, stop giving yourself so much trouble, it’s completely useless, because my heart does belong to someone else…
    Having realized the huge age difference between them, he simply replied:
    – But my dear, at my age, I do not shoot that high… 🙂

  11. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 … 🙂 🙂 🙂 … Așa nu?

  12. – “Where should one use perfume?” – a young woman asked.
    – “Wherever one wants to be kissed.”(Coco Chanel)

    * * *
    “Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nobody can see you’re naked.
” 🙂
    (Jarod Kintz – This Book Has No Title)

    * * *
    When Charles De Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour. At the dinner table the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame De Gaulle:

    – “Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?”
    – “A penis,” replied Madame De Gaulle.

    A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer… and no one knew what to say next. Le Grand Charles De Gaulle leaned over to his wife and said:”Ma chérie, I believe zat ze English pronounce zat word, ‘appiness!” 🙂

  13. God@TheTweetOfGod: 🙂

    – I created the universe to impress girls.
    – Be careful what you pray for: you just might get it. Kidding! You won’t get it.
    – DID YOU KNOW?: The average human being spends 9.7 hours a day being an idiot.
    – What doesn’t kill you can still cause tremendous damage.
    – The sooner the Pope accepts gays, the sooner they can help him do something about that wardrobe!
    – If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to him the other, but then at the last minute duck your head and kick him in the nuts.
    – Bad things happen to good people to even out the good things that happen to bad people.
    – “Stephen Hawking: ‘I’m An Atheist’.” Yikes. Maybe he’s right. I mean I thought I existed, but that guy’s pretty smart.
    – MY HOBBIES Blessing Damning Forbidding Forsaking Speeding Willing America-blessing Queen-saving Only knowing Self-helper helping Golf
    – Serena Williams just thanked Me! You’re welcome, Serena! That’s what I do all day! Decide the winner of women’s tennis matches!!!
    – Thank you for praying. All available angels are currently assisting other prayers. Please stay on your knees. We will be with you vaguely.

  14. Okay dokey Artichoke, watch out or you may get a blokey.
    Blokey says to artichoke, you’ll taste fine, hot and smokey,
    While I do the hokey pokey!

    A bit of silliness but I reckon I can get away with it here!

  15. One morning, Boss hangs a poster in his office:“I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET THAT!”

    He returns from lunch, finds a note from his Secretary:”Sir, your wife called, she wants her poster back home…” 🙂

  16. I have a funny feeling that before mirrors were invented we saw ourselves much more clearly.

  17. 🙂 The Last Testament – A Memoir by God (Author) and David Javerbaum (Contributor) – David Javerbaum @ – author of ‘The Last Testament – A Memoir by God’ – Even I’m not sure I exist anymore… 🙂 Nothing is real and you are cosmically insignificant, so relax! 🙂

    some tweets of God – Even I’m not sure I exist anymore… 🙂

    Sometimes I wonder if there’s a God. Then I remember that I’m God, and it freaks Me out. “In God We Trust,” and there’s your problem. I don’t believe in atheists. I need to be constantly told how great I am because even though I am omnipotent and omniscient I am emotionally needy. It’s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it’s that only 10% of people use their brains. Sometimes I pray to Myself. I don’t answer those either. Stupidity is always trending. I have absolutely no plan for your life. I really don’t make it easy to believe in Me. Before I created the universe I practiced on Minecraft. I’m launching a new universe on Kickstarter. I created the entire universe for the sake of one group of one species on one planet in one solar system in one galaxy.

    When I made you in My image I was going through a period of extremely low self-esteem. Mosquitos are My way of telling you you’re delicious. You shouldn’t live your life in fear of what others will think of you because believe Me, they already think you’re an idiot. What happens after you die? I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. At those darkest moments when it feels like I’ve abandoned you, remember: I was never with you to begin with. The more I read about Robin Williams, the angrier at Me I get. I am unfair and cruel and random and mean and I take the very best. ¿Por qué soy tan cruel?

    As My own son, for Father’s Day I bought Myself a necktie. And as My own father, I thanked Myself and silently felt disappointed yet again. The kind of people who associate themselves with Me tend to be the kind of people with whom I’d rather not associate. Rainbows are My way of reminding humanity of three things: 1. They’re here. 2. They’re queer. 3. Get used to it. I prefer My Twitter followers to My real followers because in general they tend to kill less. Science is true whether or not you believe it, but religion is true whether or not it’s true.

    Attention world: #facebookdown. Please remain calm and do not attempt to interact with human beings. My account isn’t fake. It’s absolutely real. The only reason it’s not verified is being verified has never been My style. It amazes Me that the same people who doubt that I can be on Twitter have no trouble believing Jesus is on a piece of French toast. Ask Me to take the #IceBucketChallenge one more time and I will melt the icecaps RIGHT NOW. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I apologize to some of you for the rest of you. I know it’s My job to forgive everybody but sometimes they just don’t deserve it.

    Last but not least: The next time somebody starts a religion, leave Me out of it. The one true religion is Beatlemania. Retweeting this will help you lose weight, add muscle, restore thinning hair, improve your libido and add years to your life and all is forgiven.

    DJ-‘God’s NEW 10 COMMANDMENTS 1 Laugh. 2 Read. 3 Say please. 4 Floss. 5 Doubt. 6 Exercise. 7 Learn. 8 Don’t hate. 9 Cut the crap. 10 Chill.
    * * *
    🙂 super bonus:’coffee, beautiful angels, just you and me… I like it!’ 🙂
    George Clooney & ‘God’ John Malkovich:

  18. – quelle est la différence entre un névrotique, un psychotique et un psychiatre?…
    – le névrotique construit des châteaux en l’air, le psychotique y habite et le psychiatre réclame son loyer… 🙂
    * * *
    – what’s the difference between a neurotic, a psychotic, and a psychiatrist?…
    – the neurotic person builds castles in the air, the psychotic lives there and the psychiatrist claims(requires) his rent… 🙂

  19. une planète passe à côté de la Terre et lui pose une question en vitesse:
    – comment vas-tu sœurette?… je ne t’ai pas vue depuis des millions d’années…
    – oh, pas trop bien, tu sais… j’ai eu des milliards de “Homo Sapiens”…
    – t’inquiète, j’en ai eu aussi… mais “ça” passe! 🙂
    * * *
    a planet is passing by the Earth and it’s asking a quick question:
    – How have you been, sis’?… I haven’t seen you for millions of years…
    – Oh, not too good, you know … I’ve had billions of “Homo Sapiens”…
    – don’t worry, I’ve also had them, but they’ve all passed – away… 🙂

  20. I told my pet owl that I’ve just got engaged to be married.

    She said ‘you twit to who?’

  21. possible answers – explanations – justifications that some European women “serve” to their partner if he finds them “in action” with another man: 🙂

    the English: Darlin’, had you let me know in time about your coming back home, we could have avoided this embarrassing situation – for both of us! 🙂

    the German: liebe Heinz, you’ve returned home earlier than usually and I require a quick explanation for these 4’45”! 🙂

    the French: ah, Jeannot, happy you’re finally home… Jacques is a wreck and too tired, he can’t go on… 🙂

    the Swede: is that you, Bjorn?… well, I’m over and out of here, but Sven wants to have some more fun… go ahead, join him! 🙂

    the Russian: hey Ivan, come here! you’re A real man, ’cause this doormat here hasn’t been able of anything, not even to slap me! 🙂

    the Jew: Isaac, you’re here, with me, right?… no? – if so, who’s this dude next to me?… 🙂

    the Romanian: Ioane(John), do you believe me or your own eyes?… 🙂

    the Hungarian – jumping out of her bed: come on, honey, don’t be mad, the guy did pay me in advance! 🙂

    the Czech: Janek, don’t worry, baby… I’ve just found out he’s your new boss… 🙂

    the Transylvanian: hubby, it’s your fault: you’ve drunk all the plum brandy, so how I was supposed to be hospitable?!… 🙂

  22. laughter is the best medicine – loved this universal quote Melanie. Merci!

  23. Main reason of heart attacks for men over 60 – women below 30.

    • well, women below 30 “go out” with “viagra men” who could be their papas or even grand-papas for euros or US$… 😉

      • Many years ago there was a popular play (and movie) “Before the sunset”. It grossed a lot of money but there was love between main characters. There was also a very famous artist. I am sure you know him. He loved a Russian woman who was 30 years younger. She refused any finacial help from him. How times change! 😉

        • JF, I did watch a movie called “Before sunset” with Julie Delpy & Ethan Hawke… I don’t see who’s the very famous artist who loved a young Russian woman?!… could you enlighten me, please? 🙂
          * * *
          P.S. What do you call a Russian who’s afraid of confined spaces? – Claustrophovich! 🙂

          • “He and his wife of 41 years separated in 1939. In 1941 he underwent surgery in which a colostomy was performed. Afterwards he started using a wheelchair, and until his death he was cared for by a Russian woman, Lydia Delektorskaya, formerly one of his models.” This is from Wikipedia. Wiki says, that in 1941 Matisse loved another woman who became a nun later. However, Russian sources state that he loved Lydia long time before 1939 and this caused separation with his wife.

  24. So what if Jesus turned water into wine?… I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move, Jesus… 🙂
    * * *
    Christianity: One woman’s lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand… 🙂
    * * *
    The king of Spain has just abdicated. Another Juan bites the dust… 🙂
    * * *
    On average, British couples have sex two to three times a week, whereas Japanese couples have sex only one to three times a month. This is very upsetting news as I had no idea I was Japanese… 🙂
    * * *
    I’ve just found the perfect recipe for beef and ale pie: 🙂

    1. Drink all the ale.
    2. Then realise you can’t be arsed cooking any more.
    3. Phone for a pizza.
    * * *
    – What would the UK be called without Scotland?
    – How about Greater Britain?… 🙂

  25. Russian joke: Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden. God descends to them and says: “My children, I have two gifts for you. You’ll have to decide which one to whom. The first gift is peeing standing up…”

    Adam begs to let him have the first gift. He says that it is his lifelong dream. Eve yields to him. And Adam runs through the garden, rejoicing, jumping, screaming, and peeing on trees, flowers, insects and simply on the ground.

    Then Eve asks:“Lord, what is your second gift?”

    God answers:“Brains, Eve. Brains.”

  26. “Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.”

    Oh my Gawd! I am loving this! Hahaha!

  27. Un roumain de Transylvanie revient chez lui après un voyage à Londres et raconte à un ami:

    j’étais assis sur un banc, à Hyde Park, une anglaise s’est assise à côté de moi et malgré mon ignorance totale de l’anglais, nous nous sommes parfaitement entendus et compris… je lui ai dessiné une assiette pleine et elle m’a invité au resto… je lui ai dessiné un verre et elle m’a emmené dans un bar où nous avons traîné jusqu’à l’aube… et là, c’est elle qui m’a dessiné un lit!
    – et alors?… demande son ami.
    – eh bien, j’en ai été extrêmement surpris: comment a-t-elle deviné que j’étais menuisier?!… 🙂
    * * *
    I was sitting on a bench in Hyde Park, a British gal came up and sat next to me and despite my total ignorance of English, we perfectly got along and understood each other… I drew a full plate and she invited me to dinner… I drew a glass and she took me to a bar where we hung out until dawn… and then, she drew a bed!
    – And afterwards?… – asks his friend.
    – Well, I was extremely surprised: how did she guess I was a carpenter?!… 🙂

  28. beaucoup d’humour, merci de ton passage sur mon blog!

  29. touché! – absolument hilarant… vive la France! 🙂

    voilà ce qui est arrivé récemment à un anglais en France – complètement ivre au volant… le gendarme arrête sa voiture et demande au monsieur s’il a bu… péniblement et avec beaucoup de difficulté, l’anglais reconnaît d’avoir bu toute la journée, au mariage de sa fille avec un Français, qu’il a bu du champagne et quelques bouteilles de vin à la réception, et un bon nombre de verres de whisky “single malt” après… très en colère, le policier procède à l’alcootest et demande à l’anglais s’il sait pourquoi il vient d’être arrêté selon les lois françaises… l’Anglais répond avec humour:”Non, Monsieur, mais savez-vous que c’est une voiture britannique et que ma femme en est la conductrice – de l’autre côté?!…” 🙂
    * * *
    touché! – absolutely hilarious… vive la France! 🙂

    This has happened recently to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk… The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking… With great difficulty, the Englishman hardly admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and a several glasses of single malt afterwards… Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alchotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested… The Englishman answers with humour:”No, Sir! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver – on the other side???…” 🙂

  30. – Vladimir Putin says his divorce was amicable…
    – It must have been. She’s still alive… 🙂
    * * *
    Report: French president had an affair with an actress 18 years younger than him. It’s pretty serious. Under French law, he could face up to 30 high fives… 🙂
    * * *
    I called 999 for an ambulance today…
    – “What seems to be the problem?” asked the operator.
    – “I stumped my toe on the coffee table.” I replied.
    – “And you want an ambulance for that?” he laughed.
    I said, “No, it’s for my wife, she shouldn’t have laughed.” 🙂

  31. I am cracking up. I love that you put jokes on your blog.

  32. 🙂 SIMPLE TRUTH 1: 🙂

    Lovers help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed. 🙂


    When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, “Congrats”. But, none of them come and touch the man’s penis and say, “Good job”. Moral of the story:”Hard work is rarely appreciated.” 🙂


    1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

    2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole’s name.

    3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

    4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

    5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

    Bonus Rule: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

  33. – question: Why do guys think more than girls and why do girls talk more than guys?…
    – answer: Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips… 🙂

  34. In just 6 days, over 100,000 Americans signed a petition to have Justin Bieber deported back to Canada and is to be reviewed by Prez Obama. But this could be a problem, because over 9 billion Canadians signed a petition to prevent this! 🙂
    * * *
    I’ve just invented a new word:”Plagiarism”! 🙂
    * * *
    The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife. 🙂
    * * *
    An old bird came over to me in the pub last night:”How old would you say I was handsome?” – She purred.
    “You have the eyes of a 25 year old, the hair of an 18 year old, the legs of a 21 year old and the body of a 22 year old.” – I replied.
    “How old then you, charmer?” – She giggled.
    I said:”Hold on, give me time to add them up!” 🙂

  35. Beaucoup aimé, et oui, je me sens très saine trop. Thank you.

  36. Nice collection. The casino one is my favourite one… 🙂

  37. Apparently Paris Hilton has tweeted that ‘I will always remember Nelson Madela for his I HAVE A DREAM speech.’ Stupid Paris. Everyone knows it was Denzil Washington! 🙂
    * * *
    My wife said, “Take me on holiday, and when we get there I’ll do whatever you want.”
    So I flew her all the way to a road in India and she said, “Where are we?” I said, “Goa Way.” 🙂
    * * *
    I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers’ party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started føcking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, “After 30 years of marriage I can’t believe you’re being unfaithful to mum.” He said, “I’m not.” 🙂
    * * *
    As I stood swaying from side to side at the British Airways ticket desk last night, the guy looked at me and said, “Can I help?” “Yes,” I slurred, unzipping my superman costume and pulling my wallet out, “One ticket to Amsterdam please.” “You’re unable to fly, sir.” he replied, “You’re far too drunk.” I said, “I know mate, that’s why I’m getting a plane.” 🙂

  38. An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his
    bedside:”Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver, so you will always remember me.” “But grandpa, I really don’t like guns… How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?” “You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos… Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say:’Times up!’”?!… 🙂
    * * *
    An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland, arrived at the casino. She
    seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a
    single roll of the dice. She said:”I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled:”Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed:”Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked:”What did she roll?” The other answered:”I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”

    MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men… are men! 🙂

  39. Thanks! How are you doing…?

  40. My facebook friend asked if I had ever considered cybersex?…
    I said, No, the Cybermen had never turned me on… 🙂
    – I tried cybersex the other day…
    – and?…
    – I managed to pick up a virus… 🙂
    – hey, I met a girl on an internet chatroom and within an hour we were having cybersex…
    – how?…
    – we just clicked… 🙂
    After my wife suggested having a date night to spice up our marriage, it turned into a disaster with her ending up in tears: apparently she meant with each other… 🙂
    “Hi, I’m Jane,” she said.
    “I’m Christopher,” I replied, “but everyone calls me Dick for short.”
    “How do you get Dick from Christopher?” she asked.
    “You ask nicely,” I said. 🙂
    – What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
    – No one to talk to during orgasm… 🙂

  41. on utilise un fromage pour attirer les ours, tu sais lequel?

    • Thanx, glad to hear that… 🙂 here are some more: 🙂

      Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.
      He replied, “I still love Vista, baby”. 🙂
      – – –
      Today I helped a French woman with her luggage at the airport.
      I still couldn’t figure out why was she begging for ‘mercy’ after I did it. 🙂
      – – –
      I met Barrack Obama and said, “My dad says you’re spying on us all.”
      He said, “He’s not your dad.” 🙂
      – – –
      My wife says she’s leaving me because she’s never seen me sober.
      Føcking hell, I got married? 🙂

  42. Q: What color is a happy cat?
    A: Purrrple.

  43. A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East. Two million Muslims died And over a million were injured.

    Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and The governments don’t know where To start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

    The USA is sending troops to help.

    Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

    Latin American countries are sending supplies.

    New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

    The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding the Infrastructure.

    Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

    GREAT BRITAIN, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Muslims.

    God Bless GREAT BRITAIN….
    Damn those Brits are smart !!

  44. Someone asked me what I do since I retired…. Do I have a job?

    I replied, “I am my wife’s sexual advisor.”

    Somewhat shocked, they said, “I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?”

    “Very simple. My wife told me that when she wants my

    fucking advice, she’ll ask me for it.”

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